Life hacks from Agony Akka: How to offer with Chithis

Dear Agony Aunt,

Ever considering the fact that Kamala Harris has turn into Vice-President elect, and significantly right after she gave a shout-out to her chithis, my own mother’s spinster sisters (who have seven cats amongst them) have been performing quite bizarre. They insist that I far too publicly accept — numerous times a day — their materteral affect in my existence. If I demur, they get their cats to hiss at me in refrain. Please convey to me how I can deal with this kind of chudail chithis. I am commencing to now wonder if Kamala mami humoured her desi kinswomen underneath related duress.

— Nephew Under Huge Tension

Dear NUTS,

First things first. Enable me acquaint you with a lady in Etah, Uttar Pradesh, who lately acquired her 15 minutes of fame for the similar motives that have in excess of the a long time won our plucky pugilist Mary Kom considerably difference in the sq. ring. The tale, from what I have been in a position to reconstruct from the graphic ground experiences offered by my Ladies’ Group customers (all of whom have a nutritious desire in strangers’ lives), is that the girl went browsing in advance of the Karva Chauth pageant, when instantly she obtained caught in a feisty catfight with a teenaged woman. Initial speculation centered on the chance that our calorifically endowed Cat Female was perhaps irritably troubled by a marked diminution in blood sugar ranges, these types of as just one may reasonably hope in any person who contemplates the prospect of fasting for a working day.

But more sustained interrogation recognized that the hostilities ended up activated for non-endocrinological good reasons. Turns out the teenaged girl had thoughtlessly addressed our Cat Woman as ‘Aunty’. Which is when Cat Girl, who rightly observed it for the ageist affront it was, arrived out swinging and very nearly kayoed the lady.

Now, NUTS, none of this has anything at all to do with Kamala Harris or your chithis. But I am guaranteed you know by now why I enriched your everyday living with this compelling narrative. I may possibly not be from Etah, but you tackle me as ‘Aunty’ only at the chance of obtaining your facial options reconfigured. If you would like to declare any sort of kinship, you might address me as ‘Agony Akka’, but that is as good as it receives.

Now, for your chithis. From the system of anecdotal proof you have furnished therefore far, they occur throughout as mildly whimsical. But they are no additional so than you might fairly assume to see these times in any prolonged relatives with ahead-happy WhatsApp uncles. In simple fact, in comparison to a few other cuckoo characters I know, they feel to lack a defining oddball attribute. In Odisha, for occasion, there was a male who took to dwelling on a tree for 15 a long time just after a sudden breakdown in diplomatic relations with his spouse. And in contrast to the decidedly dotty matters that go on within households — examine out the #MyFamilyIsWeird hashtag confessions that arrived in reaction to a contact-out from comic Jimmy Fallon a though ago — and your catty-batty chithis appear to be positively pedestrian. In any case, the gold regular for auntly absurdities was set in Truman Capote’s limited tale ‘My Side of the Matter’. After you examine it, I come to feel sure you will see your kinswomen as most likely somewhat deserving of janmabhoomi mandirs in their honour. So extensive as you really do not out of the blue locate your sambar garnished with protein health supplements — of the sort that may be procured from a Wuhan wet market — you’re fine.

There is, however, a person attribute in your aunts that retains appeal for me: their seeming cat-whisperer capability to channel feline ferocity. It strikes me as a useful leverage to get from my own nephews — in the unlucky party that they sometime acquire to contacting me their chudail chithi or create letters to newspapers to forged aspersions on my mental colleges.

— AA

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